Saturday, March 26, 2011

I'm an addictive personality. And that's not in a good way. I don't mean that people become addicted to me. I mean that I abuse and depend upon substances or behaviors that are not in and of themselves bad, but that cause my life to become unmanageable. I have recovered from some of these--alcohol and tobacco. Negative thinking and resentment are still a struggle, but with the help of my Higher Power, I have gained freedom from these. Why, then, do I still binge on sugar? I feel physically bad after a binge. But when it comes on, nothing can stop me. I am like a heat seeking missile and will find and consume anything that contains the drug. I usually get through the day OK. It's in the afternoon after work that I get into trouble. This afternoon, I was tired and hungry. I went to my apartment before my drive home for a snack--a piece of pita bread, some string cheese, some almonds, a glass of milk. On the way home, I had to stop for gas and broke one of the rules--Don't get your food where you get your fuel. I came out of the On The Run with two Bimbo snacks. I had to stop at JR's to buy cigars for my neighbor. At the register, my favorite junk food was on sale--moon pies. 3 for a dollar. I bought a pack and ate two of them on the way home in the car. OK--four sugary snacks. That's not going to kill me, but it's more than is healthy or necessary. I don't seem to be able to enjoy sugar like a normal person. I get it into my system, and then I'm off to the races and I have no idea how the bender will end.

I want to start a community of people who get this. Most people I know don't get it. Sweets are a social thing, just like drinking. Look at birthday cake and dessert-sharing in restaurants.

I think the Weight Watchers food plan is pretty good. The amounts of food and the balanced diet are good. Not too much food. Lots of water. Exercise every day. I need this.

It seems nutty to think I can swear off sugar forever. So, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to not eat sugar or refined carbs tomorrow. That I can do. Because I'm not like normal people. If I eat it, I eat it immoderately and it makes me not well. Who's in?

I need one other person to do this with me.